On certain days I want to be disgustingly over-fed...those days I seek comfort food and television over salad and walking...you know those days. It pays to have a reminder of how bad it feels to eat dirty. We each suffer differently for our self-abuse. Here is a taste of my dirty-life.
Red Bull and how it makes me feel/behave:
- Moody - I become angry, mean and intolerant especially toward the people I love most.
- Stinky - My body odor becomes tremendous!
- Jittery - I bite my nails to bloody stumps; I find myself sitting around biting nails or picking at things instead of being productive.
- Light-headed - Due to pre-existing medical conditions, I'm already prone to syncope; it is increased with each serving I drink.
- Dehydration - The more I drink, the more orange and dark the urine.
- Diarrhea - The more I drink, the less I eat and the more my poop turns liquid.
- Joints - My back aches on a lumbar level especially in the morning; my elbows, knees and even fingers hurt when I wake up and most of the day.
- Teeth - Man, I thought Coca-Cola could harm pearly whites - red bull causes cavities and turns my teeth yellow-green.
- Guilty - I am ashamed by my addiction. I stash cans in odd places so my husband won't catch me. I know it is wrong. Every can makes me feel more disappointed in myself.
- Broke - It costs a fortune to drink as much as I like to. I might as well be smoking 2-3 packs of cigarettes a day!
I'll admit I eat like an American. I've had too much fast food, red meat, soda, and processed food-like product. I am quite disturbed by the American "white is better" theory. White flour, white sugar, white rice. Food racism. What a curse!
Let's not forget that our public schools implemented these bleached out products just as often as our poor families; at a private school I attended we were given Subway, McDonald's, Taco Bell and Pizza Hut every week. They bought the hype. Convenience won over health.
I was a fairly healthy person through my first pregnancies. In between pregnancies I would progressively get back into my soda addiction. My worst soda habit is Red Bull. They are my equivalent to cigarettes (thank goodness I don't smoke). I usually plateau at a gallon of red bull a day. Not water. No water. Sugar, caffeine and majorly too much B-complex.
My last pregnancy I was diagnosed with a heart murmur and mitral valve prolapse. I got to wear a heart monitor all day and night (except in the shower) for a month of that pregnancy. I have no way to prove it was the red bull. I have no reason to believe it was anything else. That pregnancy ended almost three weeks early when I showed up at the hospital vomiting uncontrollably. I was in labor and my liver was failing. I had an emergency C-section. We all came out alive. If I hadn't gone the hospital that morning, I wouldn't be typing the same (or any) story.
After I finished breastfeeding, I hopped back on the red bull train. My youngest will be 17 months soon. Most days I drink 48-64 ounces of that vial concoction. I'm not sure why I drink something that makes me hot and angry. I'm not sure why I drink something that depletes my appetite and causes major diarrhea. I honestly think it is a subconscious desire to have something. Something I thought I could control.
I'll never have a perfect heart again. I've done irreversible damage. My liver is always going to be slightly wonky due to a genetic condition I carry; also my lungs are less durable from that condition. I still expect to live a long enough life to meet my grandchildren. I want to be at my great-grandkids births. I want to have enough time on this planet to spread positive energy to others. I must change my lifestyle.
